I wasted part of a Sunday afternoon (and various other times since)
searching on Google for my own name. I discovered the following:
I am not an Artist Fellow of the American Society of Aviation Artists.
I do not play in Defense for the Detroit Lions.
I have not been a guest star in Nash Bridges or Diagnosis Murder.
I am not a Professor of Zoology at the University of Western Ontario.
I am not a Professor of Music at New York University.
I am not an expert in the law of landlord and tenant.
I am not a novelist/private investigator in the Detroit area.
I have been not an opening batsman for Northamptonshire, Derbyshire or England.
I am not a mathematics teacher at West Deptford High School, New Jersey.
I am not Professor Emeritus of Mechanical Engineering at Ohio State University.
I do not have a University of Illinois scholarship named after me. I'm not a Professor of Epedemiology and Biostatistics there, either.
I do not sell medical equipment in Stockport.
I am not a diver in Texas.
I have nothing to do with the University Lutheran Church of Hope.
I am not an expert in oriental carpets.
I am not a member of the Women's Council of Realtors - Santa Cruz Chapter. (I'm not sure how he qualifies, either.)
I am not the goalkeeper for the International Soccer Club Polonia in northwest Indiana.
I am not a judge in Lauderdale County, Mississippi.
I am not an Associate Professor of Mathematics and Computer Science at Oxford College of Emory University. (Oxford Mathematics Professor sounds quite nice though!)
I do not live in a treehouse in British Columbia.
I am not a manufacturer or supplier of cotton wool products.
(Mercifully) I have never spontaneously combusted.